What’s hurt the most?

What’s hurt the most was when being so close with you,

Getting to know you was as easy as it look

It happen we have the same in common

That’s how we met at the first time

It was love at the first eye contact

We both know what it is

However, we don’t know how far we can go

What hurts the most is when I’m just start to fall in love

And suddenly I realize I’m about to lose him

By unexpected cause

That is beyond our control

We just hope nothing can stop us

What’s hurt the most is when we say goodbye

Being away from you make my heart soar

I just couldn’t take it

Everyday I keep on thinking about you

The more that I think, the more it hurt

That’s what hurt the most

I just can’t stand alone without you

But how about you

Are you missing me too?

Just like I miss you so much

Do you still love me?

The way that I just couldn’t let you go

What’s hurt the most is knowing the truth about you and me

Will we still be the same?

That is when we are miles away

That’s what hurt the most

We all know that love is so beautiful

But when something goes wrong

That’s was the worst nightmares for us

We just couldn’t live for tomorrow

Feels like we can’t move on again

Feeling guilt and broken hearted

We are hoping we can turn back the time

But once the heart is sour it will never be fresh again

The love that we had before would never be the same

The trust that we put is getting faded

All that we planned had turned foolish

We just hope it soon will disappear

However, it do takes time to heal the pain

Once again, that was what hurt the most

Unable to forget the past that keep hunting us

Sometimes, we blamed for the love at the first sight

We said that the love is blind

But actually we made the love blind

And that what hurt us the most

We just can’t take the truth to our face

Fighting is our worst solution

Finally, we let the love slip away

Truly by: Emma Maria (28/12/2010)

What Should I Do?

I was so confuse with me feelings right now

I just don’t know what I should do

Feels like there’s no clues what to do next

I was left alone to make my own decision

But I’m afraid when something went wrong

I might not be okay

I might not be the same again

I might change more

So what should I do?

What could be the best solution?

I keep telling myself that’s it not worth it

I know that I don’t deserve him

But sometimes I feel I might regret

Because I love him so much

He makes me feel special

Makes me laugh

I just couldn’t let him go

But he makes my heart break

I began to hate love song

I can’t trust him again

He makes me cry

He ask for a second chance

But I don’t know whether this could be good

Not even so sure whether this is bad

Even now I’m still confuse

I jut don’t want to know about it

But I’m too addicted to him

It’s so clear that I need him more

I can’t live without him

Without him my life was empty and meaningless

Without him I don’t know me

I just hope for a direction

Cause now I’m so lost in the middle

I just hope I’m not making the same mistakes

But is he my priority

I just don’t know

He knows me more like I know him better

I wish upon a shooting star

And I pray to God to make me strong

When facing difficulties

I need him now so much because he had hypnotized me

Don’t stop, can’t stop

Should I wish to meet someone new for my life?

To replace his place

Or to still keep a place for him in my heart

Some memories about him I want to forget

But what memories should I treasure

Once again, what should I do?

Truly by: Emma Maria (03/01/11)

He Makes me Crazy

I wish I can reverse back everything

I wish I never know him before

I wish we never met

But it had happen before I make wishes

He makes me crazy

So crazy and unable to forget him

So crazy that I keep on thinking about him

Too crazy for him that makes me looks clumsy

And it seems obvious

Every time I saw him, I can feel my heart beating fast

I could hear that beat

And all that I see was him

All that I heard was his voice

He do makes me crazy

All that I think was him

I keep on searching him in my fantasy

That’s because he can be so near to me

My reality has become so fake

That makes me keep living in my fantasy world

But the truth is I don’t even sure whether I like him

My trust for him had faded

But I still want him back

Because he makes me crazy

Time passes by

But his face and his voice still with me

No matter where I go

It never stops making me crazy about him

I can’t stand it anymore

Looking back at my past and couldn’t let it go

I’m so drowned right now

I wish he will never save me again

For I know my heart is so fragile

But the memories between me and him will always be with me

The moment he had makes me know the meaning of love

And it’s so beautiful

And he makes me know the meaning of broken heart

And it’s so painful

He was the reason for me to be careful

Not to make the same mistakes again

Not to repeat this heart break

Not to trust someone easily

But to live for the fullest with the one who is honest

Honest to my heart and honest to his heart

I feel great to know him

But sometimes I wish I never know him before

And like I said, it had happened

He makes me crazy

But I’m loving it

Truly by: Emma Maria (02/01/11)

Sharing was the best

Sharing was the best of all

It can help you to minimize your burden

It do help you to relax and not feeling nervous

Sharing make things better

Sharing is also caring

That’s what I’ve done

I just couldn’t live with the unknown burden with me

So bravely I decided to tell him

Everything that I’ve been keeping from him

The truth truly from my heart

I just hope that I will feel relief

Whatever the circumstances, I will face it

No matter how sad it would be

But not telling him makes it even worst

That’s because I just can’t deal this alone

All I need from him was his answer

The answer that I’ve been looking for all this while

But I just don’t know what it could be

I’m going to be ready for it

It takes patience and courage

I’m not going to blame him if it turns out not they way I expected

I will respect his answer and decision

I will not be angry for him

For I know, I will move on with my life

If we are not destine together, what can I do

If it does, just let it be

But faith keeps me strong all day and all night

Nothing can stop me and bring me down

For I know, every failure there must be a reason

Reason to be change and to improve

Trust and honesty that count the greatest in relationship

Now, I feel so relief

Because I’ve been honest with my heart

About how I feel about him

Truly by: Emma Maria (29/12/2010)

This pain about him won’t go away.

Hi readers, I have some minor problems. I want to share with you about myself. Few years ago, I ever felt in love with this guy. My best friend’s classmate. It started with accidentally one miscalled. We both not sure whether fate brought us together because there’s one time that suddenly I noticed one miscalled from unknown number. Then, I ask my friend whether she knows whose number was it. Then, so surprised to know that it was my friend’s classmate. Then, my friend asks him if he did miscall me but he told her that he did not. Therefore, on Sunday morning after the mass, I bravely went to meet him and ask about how he knows my number. And he told me that he also don’t know how can I have one miscalled from him. From that day, we both start getting well as a friend and I really comfortable when talking with him. He is funny and nice person too. And it’s true that I like his attitude. He is really a good person. Sometimes at night, he did text me. We become so close but it was just friend until one day he text me in more romantic way. And so stupid, I felt for it and I began to like him but not knowing much about him. At the same time, we both are in the same Sunday class. I think both our friends were so puzzled about us. I still remember the day during our Confirmation Day, after the Sunday mass is over, we all took photo together. At first I took picture with my friends, then suddenly, someone bring him along. I just can’t believe it that he went standing next to me and hold my hand. Even my friends said that we look like getting married. Then, we had a small celebration at the hall. After I had my meal, I saw him sitting alone at the corner then I went to his place. His phone is out of battery so he borrowed my phone. I heard his conversation; he said that he was with me. I was so surprised to hear it. When I ask him who was that, he just answer it was his friend but he did not tell me who was it. I hope I know about this earlier before I regret. Why he don’t want to tell me about this. So I though it was his just friends. Only a few days I started to like him, then I get to know that he have girlfriend and at the same time he is quarrelling with his girlfriend about me. Then, one night I ask him about why his fights with his girlfriend. Then, he told me that his girlfriend don’t want him to text me anymore. The most painful moment, I have to force myself not to see him again or even text him anymore because I felt in love with someone who is lying to me and himself. I just couldn’t take the truth. I suffered the real broken heart when I just started to fall in love then I will have to forget about him completely out of my mind. I just couldn’t hear what my friend told me that he is sad not to notice me before he felt in love with his girlfriend. The truth is hurt. Since then on, I never go to the church that reminds me of him. I went to the other church in town. I want to avoid from seeing him again. And only twice a year I went to that church that is during Christmas and Easter day. The pain that he put on me still not heals. I still can feel the great moment when we are together. I try to forget about him but I just can’t do it. I keep on forgetting to forget about him. I need to forget about me and him. The memory about him in my mind still not clear completely. And yesterday, I went to church for my neighbor wedding mass, I wish I will not see him again. But when the mass is about to start, I was so surprised to see him coming. That time, I feel like I want to go back home and don’t want to see him. After the mass, I went outside with my cousins. I try to avoid him but some part of me wants to meet him. I force myself to really avoid him. Then suddenly, he went outside. When I noticed him, I went back inside and go outside through another entrance. Too bad I think he bravely force himself to go and talk to me because all this while, I’m the one who start the conversation. But then, it will look so clear that I trying to avoid him if I did not go and talk with him. So, we had little conversation together. While we are talking I just want to find a way to get this conversation to end. After seeing him and talking with him again, now I had a problem to forget about him. He had fooled me once and now he had fooled me again. I just hate to keep on thinking about him. I don’t love him the way that I love him before. I just can’t stop fooling myself and make my own heart miserable. That is why I want to avoid from seeing him again. I just couldn’t take it that I love him so much that I have to forget about him. That’s what hurt me the most.

Truly by: Emma Maria (02/01/11)

How do you know that you are in love?

Am I in love? That’s the question that you might ask yourself when you are so confuse about someone. You will be confused if his or her could be your just friend or more than that. You just don’t know what should you do and how to treat him or her when suddenly you felt in love. You might feel that your feeling is so fragile. This is because you have not expressed to him or her about your feeling. This might be because of you are unsure whether you are in love or not. But something that clear is about your attitude towards him or her. You will feel so clumsy when he or she is near you. You will feel you have no words to say or to tell because you couldn’t take your eyes from him or her. Your heart will beat faster as he or she is in front of you. Sometimes, you can even hear your heartbeat. And at night or when you are alone, all you think about is him or her. Every second you won’t miss not thinking about him or her. You will think that he or she made you crazy. Sometimes, you can’t really notice that you keep on writing his or her name on a piece of paper. You will only notice it when you are awake from your own fantasy. And when at night, you can even make your own bedtime story about you and him or her. You even create a good happy ending to your own story. You feel so crazy without him or her. And you might even feel insecure that the love of your life might not feel the same as yours. I think this feeling is normal to everyone who is really felt in love with someone. That’s because you did not share your feeling to him or her. You are afraid of rejection that will definitely broke your heart especially when you are about to fall in love. Only you will know exactly when you are in love with someone. Only you that can feel the love flowing through you. But still you are not sure whether he or she can be yours. That is because you don’t believe in yourself. Afraid to take action might blow your only chance to be with him or her. Only you that can tell yourself when you are really in love. So, I hope to all readers who knows yourself better, who knows that you are in love, please don’t be afraid in taking chances. You don’t even know what will happen, whether it brings you good news or bad news. Every bad thing happen has a reason that you might not know. Maybe the bad news that he or she did not accept you, maybe its because he or she is not your soul mate or destiny. God had planned earlier every people’s future. Maybe you are destined to be someone that you have not notice before. But on the other hand, if he or she is really your soul mate but you are afraid to tell him or her, YOU JUST BLOW YOUR CHANCE. Therefore, don’t be AFRAID TO TAKE ACTION. Best of luck from me in knowing yourself better when you are in love. Our actions teach us to be better in future.

Truly by: Emma Maria (31/12/2010)

New Year Countdown

Hi all. First of all it’s still not too late to wish you all Happy New Year. May this year bring prosperous and joy to you all. God bless you all. Well, this New Year countdown, I celebrate it at my aunt’s house. That day was also her nephew’s full moon party. The party starts at 7:30pm. My dad sent me and my mum there before 7pm and that time the guest haven’t arrived yet. We had our dinner there. After dinner I went over to where my friend was sitting. I’m not sure whether he is an alcoholic or not but I saw two cans of beer near him. When I went there, he was drinking soft drink. I think he felt he was challenge when he saw me drink beer. He almost refused not to drink beer when he was served but I told him to drink. That times only three of us there, he and his choir friend. Then, few minutes later, there is more other choir members arrived. At first, I feel like I am the outsider because only me that was not from the choir member plus I’m the only young girl there. But I just stayed there and drink beer and Chivas. My uncle gave a cup of Chivas. That was my first time drinking Chivas but well it was nice. The other did give me few tips when drinking the Chivas. They said for me the beginner, after drink that Chivas, I should drink water or soft drink. Shane drinks more Chivas than me. After he drinks Chivas, he cannot drink the beer again because it cannot be mix. So, he asks me to drink the beer for him and in the end I end up drinking four cans of beer. His friends were too drunk. We all drink and dancing. It was fun with them. I have new friends and I’m really comfortable with them. And when the clock strikes 12, they blow the fireworks. This is my first time celebrating New Year countdown with them. But too bad I have to go home. Before, I went home I told Shane that I’m going home already and I can’t believe it that he hugs me. But I will consider that as a friend’s hug and not more than that. He told me that he will see me again at 12pm at Garry’s house but he didn’t show up. Only his brother, Rico and Alvin was there. But I do enjoy my day that time with them. At Garry’s wedding, that evening, Rico bring me over to their drinking spot and Alvin gave me a glass of Chivas. Leroy also was there with his cousins and friends. Once again, I really made my day fun with those that I’m not used to with but it ended interestingly. Do drunk people tell the truth? When I asks Rico about why they did not bring Shane along, then Alvin answer me, he said that Shane was flat because he drank too much on New Year eve. Then I asked them again whether Shane was an alcoholic and again Alvin told me that Shane does not drink too much kind of person. He told me again, that New Year eve, Shane really drink much because of the person next to him which is me. And I really don’t know whether he tells the truth or he just told me that as a kind of jokes. But Rico also told me that last night he drinks because of the person next to him. I’m not really sure whether I was ever been their topic before. I mean that, maybe Shane ever told them about me. There’s something fishy going on. And I hope I know it. I do realize that Rico seems to know me much and I wonder how he knows more about me. But I can’t believe it that I’ve become one of his gang. I still remember that on New Year eve, Shane told me that I now already became one of their gang even though I’m not from the choir members. That making me more special because I was easily can fit in with his friends. I really enjoy my night on New Year day. And I love dancing with people who really dancing types of person too. It’s really enjoyable. Leroy was also drunk that time. At first, he supposed to go back at Kampung Kopimpinan follow his cousin but he said to me that he slept at Papaga also can. Maybe that’s because he knows that I will be going back home alone. We did have good conversation and he was really near me when talking with me. And I can see the bride’s maid and Noel was looking at us in suspiciously. My lecturer was at my back and I think she also thought that me and Leroy was couple but we are not. He is my uncle. He keeps on saying, “if you want to go back already, I just follow you”. But I still want to have fun with the others. In the end, the night party ends up at 2am. At first, Rico want to send me and Leroy back home by car but Leroy told them that he wants to walk with me. Actually I want to follow Rico just to minimize suspicious thought but Leroy already told Rico earlier that he wants to walk back home. As a conclusion, I had more fun.